Same-Sex Attraction
March 15, 2018There are many myths mistaking the domestication of Hydrangeas,
not least: the degree to which color can be manipulated or controlled.
White Hydrangeas never can be pink, red can’t bloom in southern soils.
There are many myths mistaking the domestication of Hydrangeas,
not least: the degree to which color can be manipulated or controlled.
White Hydrangeas never can be pink, red can’t bloom in southern soils.
Leda, when Helen leapt
in your womb was it
like this? Ankles swollen
under the weight
Otis Redding and Ulysses knew something about sitting
at the edge of the world, trying to remember
the changing shades of the sea at home,
Dwarfed by other forms of life, the leaves fall
into this world without cadence that changes colors
each time it kisses something goodbye.
You said to wait but how I wanted to be free again
Find a way to get a taste of the fruit from off that tree again
The Day of Judgment hangs above my neck just like a flaming sword
Each night the angels say it’s time to enter my plea again
The angels’ wings are molting, so I’ll make my pen.
Sound me down to earth or hell, but let me take my pen.
You can’t be afraid of cuts, she says,
showing her hands
beautiful with scars.
The way he leaves a banana-mayo sandwich
on the counter. His special blend
of applesauce with too much cinnamon
brims over a white glass bowl.
The scratchy blue-and-green-car sheets
left folded on the hide-a-bed.
I know the standard plot lines, the ones that move from desire to fulfillment, or from desire to fulfillment to tragedy. As this story follows its meanders I don’t find myself to be a satisfied, fulfilled member of my church, but neither is mine the story of a brave individual triumphantly separating himself from an abusive religion. I live chapters of each of these stories. But always intermediary chapters, it seems, never the climactic ones. Absent is the single seductive strand that engages and satisfies—and falsifies. What will it mean to finish this manuscript? To finish writing about my brother? To finish thinking about him? To abandon him again? To jettison this means of access to our past and present experience?
In July 1830, just three months after the formal organization of the Mormon Church, Joseph Smith dictated a revelation that promised, “in whatsoever place ye shall enter in & they receive you not in my name ye shall leave a cursing instead of a blessing by casting off the dust of your feet against them as a testimony & cleansing your feet by the wayside.”Subsequently, the historical record is replete with examples of ritual cursing being performed up through the 1890s. While many of Smith’s revelations and doctrinal innovations continue to be practiced by the LDS Church today, cursing has fallen into disuse. Despite this ritual’s unique status as an act of formally calling down God’s wrath upon others, it has received surprisingly little attention in scholarly studies.